My
         History of Drug Abuse

	I started my journey of drug
         abuse when I was in the 6th grade. It all started with my friends and I smoking pot on the weekends, or when ever we could
         get our hands on it. The first year of smoking weed, I thought it was the greatest thing I had ever discovered. I was an honor
         student and I continued to maintain my grades, so I didn’t have a problem. So I thought. When I was in the 7th grade
         I got drunk for the first time after my cousin’s wedding. I got so sick that night I swore I would never do it again.
         I had also grown up in a house with an alcoholic mother, who has now been sober 14 years. That made me even more determined
         not to do it again. Little did I know that those early days of fun would lead me to many years of regret and pain.

	Through high school my pot smoking habits continued to pick up as it was easier to meet people who did the
         same things I did. Being involved in sports made it even easier, through meeting the upper classmen. I was never interested
         in trying to get a girlfriend. All I focused on was getting high, playing sports, and my grades. Eventually by the time I
         was a Sophomore in high school I was smoking weed daily, every chance I got. I smoked before class, between class, before
         hockey or lacrosse practices and games. I even smoked pot in my bed rooms at my parents houses at night. Even when my parents
         started to notice, I didn’t stop. Some how I was able to maintain my grades still. My grades didn’t begin to slip
         until my Senior year. At that point I just stopped caring about classes. I was on probation at the time for an attempted burglary
         from the previous summer with my best friend, and now step brother, Nathan. Eventually my probation officer caught up with
         me when I went on a “burn cruise” during my lunch block. He sent me to the Maine Youth Center in South Portland.
         

	That was also the year I was introduced to opiates. I had an injury to my shoulder which caused
         it to dislocate out of socket frequently. The Dr.’s solution to this was a long term prescription to Percocette. I had
         also begun to drink on a semi frequent basis. So the pain medication just made that even more fun. I was able to get even
         more messed up faster and on a more consistent basis. I thought it was heaven. Somehow I still managed to graduate with honors,
         despite the fact that I failed 4 classes in my last half year of school.

	That summer I underwent my
         first operation on my shoulder. That just gave me even more pain medication. I didn’t work, didn’t go to school
         at the time. All I did was drink, smoke weed, take my pills and party every day all day. I was living the life, so I thought.
         5 months after my operation I tore my shoulder out again during a scuffle with my father and mother’s boy friend.

	Later that winter I was accepted into USM. I don’t think I made it to a single class. I had a second
         operation on the same shoulder and continued my addiction to my pain medication. This time it was morphine. I also started
         to smoke opium occasionally. My roommate in my dorm was the only 21 year old in our whole building, so naturally my drinking
         continued to pick up. All I did in school was get messed up from the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep, I mean
         passed out. Eventually I had to leave school due to the fact that I couldn’t find my way to any of my classes.

	The following fall, my girlfriend, Erin, left me because of my drug use. Things got worse from there. I started
         to experiment with mushrooms and acid. Plus everything I had been doing prior to that. At this stage in my substance abuse
         my family really started to get very upset with me. They stopped trusting me. So I moved in with some friends who made my
         situation even more volatile. That was when my drinking really started to pick up. I turned 21 and was drinking everyday all
         day. I was driving drunk everyday also. After about 6 months of that I moved back to my mother’s house in York. 

	That summer I started landscaping for a friend that I graduated high school with. I also started dating a
         girl named Britni. Little did I know she would be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I was getting into fist fights on
         a regular basis at parties. My mother threw me out of the house. My drug use continued to progress to the point where I couldn’t
         pay my car insurance or even pay for food. My solution to that was to start selling weed.

	I
         made a little money at first. Just enough to get a dumpy little apartment in York with a kid named Josh. After a while I started
         to become my own best costumer and started to loose money. Luckily I had a job working at a car wash so I could at least pay
         my bills and rent. That was also when I tried doing cocaine for the first time. I found out that I can’t do cocaine
         because no matter how much there was, it was never enough. So I stopped that habit. The only good thing that happened at that
         apartment was that I broke up with my girlfriend Britni. 

	I had also met an amazing
         woman named Sasha, my future wife. We started to hang out a lot and drink and smoke weed together. She and I had so much in
         common. I thought I had it made in the shade. I was in love, my girl partied just like I did, what more could I ask for. That
         fall I had my third operation and again was addicted to pain killers. This time it was a drug called dilauded. Which is 10
         times the strength of morphine.

	A year later we were married. I was so happy. So in love, and still am to
         this day. Almost exactly one month after our wedding I managed to flip my truck on a straight away road and got an oui. I
         was so surprised that Sasha didn’t kill me. She just gave me a big hug and told me everything would be okay. So she
         even stopped smoking weed and drinking so it would be easier for me to do the same thing. After the court case was settled
         I started right back where I left off despite the fact that she did not. 

	I thought I was real sly.
         She would never find out. Well, she found out, quite frequently to be honest. Later that spring I was fired from the car wash,
         that I had worked at for 2 and a half years, for huffing duster in the bathroom. Again Sasha supported me and did everything
         she could to help. I started to see my psychiatrist again. I stopped the duster and pain killers but continued to smoke weed
         on a daily basis. That summer which was actually last summer she had talked to my family about having me admitted to a rehab
         center. 

	When I found out about this I flipped out. Basically I told her to get out
         of the house. That would come to be the biggest regret of my life to this day. So she moved out and I was alone in our apartment.
         I started to get my pain killer prescriptions refilled. I was mixing them with sleeping pills. Drinking heavily, I mean dangerously
         heavy drinking. You name it other than speed I was doing it. That October I was pulled over coming back from a party that
         I had a couple beers at. The officer arrested me and I refused to give him a breathalyzer. Two weeks after that I was arrested
         for breaking my conditions of bail and was sent to YCJ for a week. So now my whole family thinks I’m a screw up, my
         wife wont talk to me, I might loose my license for 2 years and I still have a drug problem.

	Eventually
         my mother let me move in with her. That was short lived. She kicked me out for drinking. She is 14 years sober. So I moved
         in with my friend Ian. I was still taking lots of pain killers and smoking pot. Plus he is an alcoholic so my drinking increased
         again. Eventually his landlord found out I was staying there and I was forced to leave.

	Like
         the genius that I am who do I call? My crazy ex girlfriend Britni to come get me. So I stayed in her car for two weeks. We
         did every pill we could. Morphine, oxycontin, percocette, dilauded, methadone, you name it we did it. Oh yeah and you cant
         forget the alcohol and weed on top of all of that. Finally one Monday morning I came to. Sleeping in her car I looked over
         thinking, “what am I doing!” I missed my wife so much, my family hated me, I hated my self and I had nothing left.
         So I called Sasha and told her I needed to get to a rehab or detox facility ASAP. That was January 27th, three days before
         my 25th birthday. Luckily she is the most amazing person I have ever known and she came and got me. She brought me up to Mercy
         Detox Center that night.

	So in the years that I abused drugs they have taken everything I love from me. Especially my wife.
         I don’t know if I can ever patch things up with her but I am praying for it. She is the best thing that has ever happened
         in my life and I treated her very poorly, to say the least. I don’t deserve her and I don’t think I will ever
         get her back. But I am here now, for myself. I just hope and pray that when I am done with this program, she will see the
         Kevin that she fell in love with and will come back to me. I am going to stop here if I go any longer I am going to start
         to cry.